Sunrise must follow Sunset

"And even the Sundance Kid would find it hard to shoot his way out of this hole I'm in."
~Sam Roberts, Sundance

The reason I started this blog in the first place was to talk about things that were bugging me and try to sort things out on ink that I could not sort out in my head. Since I look at my life right now and feel as though everything is very twisted and foggy, now seems to be a good time to start writing again. One of the things that has really bothered me as of late was the subject of friends. Broad topic I know, but bear with me.

If you've ever been on my livejournal friends page, the top of it is inscribed with the phrase, "Friends shift with the sands of time." When I initially chose that for the title, I did not really know how its words rang true. Now sitting here in a park, two weeks into spring, surrounded by 5 inches of snow from a freak snowstorm, I've come to realize that things happen with friendships much like this snowstorm. One day you are fine with one another, then something happens and suddenly you are out in the field, cold and alone, with that friend no where to be found. A sudden "snowstorm" comes though and blows your friendship to smithereens.

It's odd really how quick things can change. Recently, I've had issues with a few friends, partially my fault at times but partially theirs as well. Both I considered really great friends (some may even use "best" here), they knew me, what I stood for, and even in some respects, what I aspire to become. In retrospect, I may have thought of them as great friends, but I think I was good at best, maybe even just a friend. You see, we would talk on the phone, text, hang out, the normal stuff right? Fast forward to now. You see, now, one will give me a hello on AIM every now and again, we'll do a bit of catching up and then just sit there. We did not used to do that, we could talk for hours about nothing at all, but that was also talking, as in vocally, which we never really do any more.

I'm sure dear reader, that you are sitting there saying "well people do get busy". I know that, you obviously know that, it is just a plain fact of life. Which is fine. But going from a friends scale of good friend to just above a paving stone, I think you will agree that that is not the normal drop because "we get busy". Like I said it could have been because I just put too much stock in our friendship to begin with, which is my mistake. Another reason for the sudden drop of friendship could be due to something I said/did. For instance, In one friendship I speak of, I can pinpoint a single day where things slid downhill. I will take credit for my mistakes, but I will not take responsibility for the total downfall of the friendship. I tried to make amends, which it looked like I did on a couple of occasions. I used to beat myself up thinking there was something else I could do. Something I could do to preserve this friendship but I no longer wonder because I realized I did my part. At some point, you have to realize that the friendship is truly gone, and just let it fade.

But, this story is not all depression and decay of ties. It is also a story of births and new beginnings, for as I see friends walking out of my life. I also see new friends walking in. Will I ever get back what I once had with my those old friends? Probably not. But will I most likely find something just as good because I harbor the mistakes and lessons from my past? Absolutely. Life rarely takes away what you cannot replace. While I will miss very much the two people I speak of (one I've known for many years), I also know that I have many friends and will make many more. So you see:

Sunrise Must Follow Sunset.

S.T.


[The soundtrack to this entry is as follows | Sam Roberts - Sundance | Trapt - Black Rose | Kevin Rudolf - Welcome to the World]