"And even the Sundance Kid would find it hard to shoot his way out of this hole I'm in."
~Sam Roberts, Sundance
The reason I started this blog in the first place was to talk about things that were bugging me and try to sort things out on ink that I could not sort out in my head. Since I look at my life right now and feel as though everything is very twisted and foggy, now seems to be a good time to start writing again. One of the things that has really bothered me as of late was the subject of friends. Broad topic I know, but bear with me.
If you've ever been on my livejournal friends page, the top of it is inscribed with the phrase, "Friends shift with the sands of time." When I initially chose that for the title, I did not really know how its words rang true. Now sitting here in a park, two weeks into spring, surrounded by 5 inches of snow from a freak snowstorm, I've come to realize that things happen with friendships much like this snowstorm. One day you are fine with one another, then something happens and suddenly you are out in the field, cold and alone, with that friend no where to be found. A sudden "snowstorm" comes though and blows your friendship to smithereens.
It's odd really how quick things can change. Recently, I've had issues with a few friends, partially my fault at times but partially theirs as well. Both I considered really great friends (some may even use "best" here), they knew me, what I stood for, and even in some respects, what I aspire to become. In retrospect, I may have thought of them as great friends, but I think I was good at best, maybe even just a friend. You see, we would talk on the phone, text, hang out, the normal stuff right? Fast forward to now. You see, now, one will give me a hello on AIM every now and again, we'll do a bit of catching up and then just sit there. We did not used to do that, we could talk for hours about nothing at all, but that was also talking, as in vocally, which we never really do any more.
I'm sure dear reader, that you are sitting there saying "well people do get busy". I know that, you obviously know that, it is just a plain fact of life. Which is fine. But going from a friends scale of good friend to just above a paving stone, I think you will agree that that is not the normal drop because "we get busy". Like I said it could have been because I just put too much stock in our friendship to begin with, which is my mistake. Another reason for the sudden drop of friendship could be due to something I said/did. For instance, In one friendship I speak of, I can pinpoint a single day where things slid downhill. I will take credit for my mistakes, but I will not take responsibility for the total downfall of the friendship. I tried to make amends, which it looked like I did on a couple of occasions. I used to beat myself up thinking there was something else I could do. Something I could do to preserve this friendship but I no longer wonder because I realized I did my part. At some point, you have to realize that the friendship is truly gone, and just let it fade.
But, this story is not all depression and decay of ties. It is also a story of births and new beginnings, for as I see friends walking out of my life. I also see new friends walking in. Will I ever get back what I once had with my those old friends? Probably not. But will I most likely find something just as good because I harbor the mistakes and lessons from my past? Absolutely. Life rarely takes away what you cannot replace. While I will miss very much the two people I speak of (one I've known for many years), I also know that I have many friends and will make many more. So you see:
Sunrise Must Follow Sunset.
S.T.
[The soundtrack to this entry is as follows | Sam Roberts - Sundance | Trapt - Black Rose | Kevin Rudolf - Welcome to the World]
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Monday, April 6, 2009
Thursday, October 23, 2008
And I'll Take This Bullet In Hopes You May Prosper...
"Spock: The needs of the many... outweigh -
Kirk: The needs of the few.
Spock: Or the one. "
~Star Trek, The Wrath of Kahn
My father was a Star Trek junkie back in the day, and growing up we would watch the classic shows such as Star Trek and M.A.S.H. so it seems only fitting that one day I would be using a quote from the series. This quote is often shortened in this day and age to "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one". But I believe the few is important. If we look at these statements in essence it turns into a "put others first" scenario. But what happens when its one on one. Does the needs of your relative/friend/lover outweigh the needs of yourself. I'd like to think so.
"Self-Sacrifice is the real miracle out of which all the reported miracles grow."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Self-sacrifice. Sacrifice sounds like a harsh word, it conjures images of cults and virgins and the ultimate payment. This isn't self-sacrifice however. At least...not exactly. According to MWOD, self sacrifice is the sacrifice of oneself or one's interest for others or cause or ideal. That is some heavy thinking, giving up something in exchange for someones ability to prosper. It may not be your life that is the loss, but if you are self-sacrificing, chances are its something fairly substantial. Let's take an example. Dean and Eddie are best friends, they got each others back. Dean is friends with Julie. Dean likes Julie. Eddie starts meeting with Dean and Julie. Eddie finds himself starting to like Julie. Oh, but wait, so does Dean. One of two things can happen here. One, Eddie can go on the offensive and in essence fight against Dean for Julie's affection. His second option, and frankly, much less appealing, is he can suppress his feelings and force them to disappear. As hard as it is having one good friend like you, two would be killer. The real priority is the well-being of his friends. With him in the mix it only makes things harder. Eddie decides option two is best.
So in review, If he sacrifices here, he is effectively:
~Sacrificing his emotions
~Sacrificing a part of his mental well-being
~Sacrificing a potential relationship
Reading that, I'm pretty sure Eddie has more dedication to friends than this writer will ever have. But I also know that he has a very hard road ahead of him, and wish him the best of luck.
Because You'll Need It To Stay Alive.
S.T.
Kirk: The needs of the few.
Spock: Or the one. "
~Star Trek, The Wrath of Kahn
My father was a Star Trek junkie back in the day, and growing up we would watch the classic shows such as Star Trek and M.A.S.H. so it seems only fitting that one day I would be using a quote from the series. This quote is often shortened in this day and age to "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one". But I believe the few is important. If we look at these statements in essence it turns into a "put others first" scenario. But what happens when its one on one. Does the needs of your relative/friend/lover outweigh the needs of yourself. I'd like to think so.
"Self-Sacrifice is the real miracle out of which all the reported miracles grow."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Self-sacrifice. Sacrifice sounds like a harsh word, it conjures images of cults and virgins and the ultimate payment. This isn't self-sacrifice however. At least...not exactly. According to MWOD, self sacrifice is the sacrifice of oneself or one's interest for others or cause or ideal. That is some heavy thinking, giving up something in exchange for someones ability to prosper. It may not be your life that is the loss, but if you are self-sacrificing, chances are its something fairly substantial. Let's take an example. Dean and Eddie are best friends, they got each others back. Dean is friends with Julie. Dean likes Julie. Eddie starts meeting with Dean and Julie. Eddie finds himself starting to like Julie. Oh, but wait, so does Dean. One of two things can happen here. One, Eddie can go on the offensive and in essence fight against Dean for Julie's affection. His second option, and frankly, much less appealing, is he can suppress his feelings and force them to disappear. As hard as it is having one good friend like you, two would be killer. The real priority is the well-being of his friends. With him in the mix it only makes things harder. Eddie decides option two is best.
So in review, If he sacrifices here, he is effectively:
~Sacrificing his emotions
~Sacrificing a part of his mental well-being
~Sacrificing a potential relationship
Reading that, I'm pretty sure Eddie has more dedication to friends than this writer will ever have. But I also know that he has a very hard road ahead of him, and wish him the best of luck.
Because You'll Need It To Stay Alive.
S.T.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Friends Shift With the Sands of Time
"Someone That You Trust Is Just, Another Way To Die"
~Another Way To Die by Jack White and Alicia Keys
People have said that music is life and I believe it. Music not only can tell a story, but it can also teach you about this world we call ours. Our lives are made of relationships. Be they work, love, or friendship, we intertwine and connect with various people to create a delicate web. Friendships are the most delicate. People start as strangers, become acquaintances, then best friends. Sometimes life doesn't work like that, sometimes our friendships fail. It can be due to something one party said, or perhaps what they did. Either way, someone will get hurt. Maybe its an unintentional attack on their feelings or their pride. Most friendships get over this, and although they may never be to the way things once were, they will still be friends to a capacity. Oh, but then...then there are the special cases of trusting a friend, only to have them come out of their shell when something goes amiss. They turn so fast, and so hard on you, that before you know it they are now your sworn enemy. Perhaps the shift is more subtle and you just drift apart. They still seem harmless tho right? But sometimes you don't know why, and then sometimes you find out that they really were not who they were in the first place, and apparently you were backing the wrong pony the whole time.
Will you stand and right the wrong?
S.T.
~Another Way To Die by Jack White and Alicia Keys
People have said that music is life and I believe it. Music not only can tell a story, but it can also teach you about this world we call ours. Our lives are made of relationships. Be they work, love, or friendship, we intertwine and connect with various people to create a delicate web. Friendships are the most delicate. People start as strangers, become acquaintances, then best friends. Sometimes life doesn't work like that, sometimes our friendships fail. It can be due to something one party said, or perhaps what they did. Either way, someone will get hurt. Maybe its an unintentional attack on their feelings or their pride. Most friendships get over this, and although they may never be to the way things once were, they will still be friends to a capacity. Oh, but then...then there are the special cases of trusting a friend, only to have them come out of their shell when something goes amiss. They turn so fast, and so hard on you, that before you know it they are now your sworn enemy. Perhaps the shift is more subtle and you just drift apart. They still seem harmless tho right? But sometimes you don't know why, and then sometimes you find out that they really were not who they were in the first place, and apparently you were backing the wrong pony the whole time.
Will you stand and right the wrong?
S.T.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Attraction: The Middle...Maybe.
Last time I wrote, I gave you some homework. A very simple thing, the next time you went to talk to a girl I wanted you to ask yourself why you want to talk to her. Did you stop and think? Let me guess, you weren’t quite sure why you wanted to talk to her, but you just knew you did. That’s quite normal as attraction is based on observation. I’m not saying that pure physical shape has nothing to do with it, it does make up a part of this but this won’t be my focus of this discussion, perhaps at a later date. Did you happen to note clothing, hairstyle, etc? Now that’s what I’m talking about, not the physical itself but the cues taken from the physical.
Every guy has a certain “type” of girl they go for. That’s not sexist, stereotypical or anything else. It’s just the truth. We develop this type over the length of our lives. Generally, by the time we get out of high school we have a decent idea of what we’re looking for. We have a certain set of personality traits that we find appeasing. Some people want that shy, quiet girl who’s got the book smarts and enjoys nights in. Others want the wild party girl, who’s always the life of the party and wants to be out on the town when at all possible. Some go for the “princess” while some prefer the “tomboy”. It doesn’t really matter what your “type” is, subtle clues are given off by everyone you approach.
So let’s talk clothes. I know, a guy talking about clothes? Trust me though, this is important. When you look at a girl, what is something they all have? No, not purses, clothes…and if she doesn’t, then let me be the first to say congratulations on getting those mind powers to finally work. In all seriousness, clothes say a lot about the girl you’re eyeing. Her style of dress usually gives you a general “type” of girl. (It’s important for me to note that yes, some don’t “dress the part” but as a general rule, this works well.) If you see she’s conservatively dressed then you may steer away from her if you’re looking for a wild child. If she leaves little to the imagination via clothing, then you may stay away if you’re looking for a shy, quiet, homemaker type girl. Those type of clues let us do a quick sort of who we want to spend our time with. So now that we have this shorter list, there’s only one thing to do.
Go talk to them!
S.T.
Every guy has a certain “type” of girl they go for. That’s not sexist, stereotypical or anything else. It’s just the truth. We develop this type over the length of our lives. Generally, by the time we get out of high school we have a decent idea of what we’re looking for. We have a certain set of personality traits that we find appeasing. Some people want that shy, quiet girl who’s got the book smarts and enjoys nights in. Others want the wild party girl, who’s always the life of the party and wants to be out on the town when at all possible. Some go for the “princess” while some prefer the “tomboy”. It doesn’t really matter what your “type” is, subtle clues are given off by everyone you approach.
So let’s talk clothes. I know, a guy talking about clothes? Trust me though, this is important. When you look at a girl, what is something they all have? No, not purses, clothes…and if she doesn’t, then let me be the first to say congratulations on getting those mind powers to finally work. In all seriousness, clothes say a lot about the girl you’re eyeing. Her style of dress usually gives you a general “type” of girl. (It’s important for me to note that yes, some don’t “dress the part” but as a general rule, this works well.) If you see she’s conservatively dressed then you may steer away from her if you’re looking for a wild child. If she leaves little to the imagination via clothing, then you may stay away if you’re looking for a shy, quiet, homemaker type girl. Those type of clues let us do a quick sort of who we want to spend our time with. So now that we have this shorter list, there’s only one thing to do.
Go talk to them!
S.T.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Attraction: The Beginning
At first this was going to be "Love vs Lust" until i realized neither of these emotions were true for the situation. You see, classes started a few weeks ago, and there is a girl who is in all of them with me. Call it chance, call it fate, call it destiny, call it whatever. Point is, I saw her and immediately decided I needed to get to know her better. I approached, talked and we now talk pretty much every day. But I was sitting here one night wondering why i first went to her. My initial reaction was lust. I mean there's that saying "Lust, not Love, at first sight". Then it hit me, it wasn't lust, i wanted to get to know her, she seemed like an interesting individual. So if not lust then love right? No, not love, because I didn't want to marry her, I hardly knew her. So then what was it...It was "like".
Now before I start getting complaints that "like" doesn't exist, let me elaborate. First off, you can love someone just as well as you can LIKE someone. Some people use like and love interchangeably here, but I don't think that's right. What are you really saying when you say "I like you"? You're telling the person that for some reason or another you like them, that you are ATTRACTED to them. True attraction isn't based solely on the physical, but on what the physical means to you. Next time you look at a girl, and think of talking to them, assess yourself quickly and explore WHY you want to talk to them
And let me know what you find out!
S.T.
Now before I start getting complaints that "like" doesn't exist, let me elaborate. First off, you can love someone just as well as you can LIKE someone. Some people use like and love interchangeably here, but I don't think that's right. What are you really saying when you say "I like you"? You're telling the person that for some reason or another you like them, that you are ATTRACTED to them. True attraction isn't based solely on the physical, but on what the physical means to you. Next time you look at a girl, and think of talking to them, assess yourself quickly and explore WHY you want to talk to them
And let me know what you find out!
S.T.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Lets Call This Dance the Truth Twist
Oh man, Today's already an interesting day.
In fact, so interesting that today deserves two quotes. Be excited.
American Poet, Essayist, and Philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "What you do speaks so loud I cannot hear what you're saying." At first glance, this quote didn't make sense to me. Then I looked closer, and it made all the sense in the world. Growing up, everyone used to say "actions speak louder than words." This is what R.W.E. was trying to say. Not just that the actions were speaking louder, but that they were SO contradictory to the words, that those words could not be heard at all.
Guys experience this all the time. They'll be with a girl and she'll be particularly quiet or what not so the question always comes up of "Whats wrong?" A simple question usually responded to with a simple answer, "I don't know." or "Oh, nothing." Nothing. Right. Based on your current actions, anything BUT nothing is the right answer. An age old tango of words ensues as the answering party dodges and weaves while the questioning party attempts to make some sort of sense out of this situation. In the end, "Nothing" usually means "everything" and "I don't know?" well...That means they know exactly what it is, but for some reason they don't wish to say. This leads me to a rather obscure source, George Jackson.
"Patience has it's virtue. Take it too far, and it's cowardice."
Patience. Have Patience. Love is Patient. This...Patience...it has its place. Any relationship, friendship requires patience. But at a point for a normal person, patience runs dry because of lie after lie. That person will get tired and decide it's time to move on with life. No matter what the sorrow of a friend removed, or the longing for a lover lost, These people cut their losses and move on. Look at Frank though, Frank has a problem, hes being strung along. "Oh she'll come around," he says. "It's only a matter of time," he reiterates. Guess what Frank, she won't. There is not a thing you can do about it. Some people may see this as patience for something worth waiting for. At this point, its cowardice. It is only you Frank, you being afraid to move on. Afraid you won't find another girl like her. I'm here to bring you light, you will. There are plenty out there that you will meet. Just remember...
There Is Always Another Day
S.T.
In fact, so interesting that today deserves two quotes. Be excited.
American Poet, Essayist, and Philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "What you do speaks so loud I cannot hear what you're saying." At first glance, this quote didn't make sense to me. Then I looked closer, and it made all the sense in the world. Growing up, everyone used to say "actions speak louder than words." This is what R.W.E. was trying to say. Not just that the actions were speaking louder, but that they were SO contradictory to the words, that those words could not be heard at all.
Guys experience this all the time. They'll be with a girl and she'll be particularly quiet or what not so the question always comes up of "Whats wrong?" A simple question usually responded to with a simple answer, "I don't know." or "Oh, nothing." Nothing. Right. Based on your current actions, anything BUT nothing is the right answer. An age old tango of words ensues as the answering party dodges and weaves while the questioning party attempts to make some sort of sense out of this situation. In the end, "Nothing" usually means "everything" and "I don't know?" well...That means they know exactly what it is, but for some reason they don't wish to say. This leads me to a rather obscure source, George Jackson.
"Patience has it's virtue. Take it too far, and it's cowardice."
Patience. Have Patience. Love is Patient. This...Patience...it has its place. Any relationship, friendship requires patience. But at a point for a normal person, patience runs dry because of lie after lie. That person will get tired and decide it's time to move on with life. No matter what the sorrow of a friend removed, or the longing for a lover lost, These people cut their losses and move on. Look at Frank though, Frank has a problem, hes being strung along. "Oh she'll come around," he says. "It's only a matter of time," he reiterates. Guess what Frank, she won't. There is not a thing you can do about it. Some people may see this as patience for something worth waiting for. At this point, its cowardice. It is only you Frank, you being afraid to move on. Afraid you won't find another girl like her. I'm here to bring you light, you will. There are plenty out there that you will meet. Just remember...
There Is Always Another Day
S.T.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Welcome One And All To The Show
Well, This is it, my new space. It's kinda cozy isn't it?
Anyways, I probably should answer some questions first.
Who Am I?
I'm just a kid. Noone special tho. male, early 20's, college, girls, work. You know, the usual suspects.
What Is This?
This...This is my life. Not in the normal "look at me, look at me!" sense. I hope it will be more in the "Here's where I went wrong" sense. Or maybe the always classic "Did you even think about this?" sense. Either way, I hope its an interesting read.
Okay, now onto the fun part.
Sir Francis Bacon once said, "If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties." Now, let me explain what I take from that. A few weekends ago, I had the ever pleasant experience of going out with a girl. I guess at this point you should know two things. One, I love quotes. Two, I also love sarcasm. Take that last statement for example. Yes, I had a very nice time, and thought she did too. But upon later words, I found out she did not. "It felt forced" she said. "I had a lot of fun, but it was just weird at times."
"I had a lot of fun, but it was just weird at times." Oh great, weird? WEIRD? Come on, what could she possibly mean by "weird"? Then it occurred to me...The way we were going, I came into the date expecting nothing short of a relationship. This gentlemen, is where I should make my point. never, EVER, go into a date expecting an outcome. If you do, you will surely shoot yourself in the foot. Que the Quote please! I started with certainties and now I'm sitting here listening to sappy music (Believe by Staind, don't get me wrong, great song, love the guitar work, but sappy) and wondering what will become of this situation. So I guess you could say, I started with certainty of the outcome, and now I'm typing and doubting everything about the situation. When, I guess according to Francis Bacon, if i would have just walked in with doubts, or an open mind, then i would have walked out with certainity, either "girlfriend" or "this wont work".
Touche Sir Bacon, Touche.
S.T.
Anyways, I probably should answer some questions first.
Who Am I?
I'm just a kid. Noone special tho. male, early 20's, college, girls, work. You know, the usual suspects.
What Is This?
This...This is my life. Not in the normal "look at me, look at me!" sense. I hope it will be more in the "Here's where I went wrong" sense. Or maybe the always classic "Did you even think about this?" sense. Either way, I hope its an interesting read.
Okay, now onto the fun part.
Sir Francis Bacon once said, "If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties." Now, let me explain what I take from that. A few weekends ago, I had the ever pleasant experience of going out with a girl. I guess at this point you should know two things. One, I love quotes. Two, I also love sarcasm. Take that last statement for example. Yes, I had a very nice time, and thought she did too. But upon later words, I found out she did not. "It felt forced" she said. "I had a lot of fun, but it was just weird at times."
"I had a lot of fun, but it was just weird at times." Oh great, weird? WEIRD? Come on, what could she possibly mean by "weird"? Then it occurred to me...The way we were going, I came into the date expecting nothing short of a relationship. This gentlemen, is where I should make my point. never, EVER, go into a date expecting an outcome. If you do, you will surely shoot yourself in the foot. Que the Quote please! I started with certainties and now I'm sitting here listening to sappy music (Believe by Staind, don't get me wrong, great song, love the guitar work, but sappy) and wondering what will become of this situation. So I guess you could say, I started with certainty of the outcome, and now I'm typing and doubting everything about the situation. When, I guess according to Francis Bacon, if i would have just walked in with doubts, or an open mind, then i would have walked out with certainity, either "girlfriend" or "this wont work".
Touche Sir Bacon, Touche.
S.T.
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