Talking isnt Speaking

First off, those of you who are wondering where "Attraction: The End" comes in, well...this is it. sort of. At the end of the last real entry, I said to go talk to her. Now really after that then your on your own. I did think that it was important to explain what "talking" encompassed. I didn't want to talk specifically regarding attraction, because honestly, there's books for that kind of thing. [Magic Bullets by Mystery, but you didn't hear that from me] I wanted to branch out and try to give a brief understanding of talking.

A recent study shows that while we are "talking", 55% of communication is through our body language, 38% in voice tone/inflections, and only 7% is from the actual words we are speaking.
Seven percent of talking is what we are actually saying. In comparison, Fifty-five percent is through body language. This is everything from your stance, to how you shake someones hand. Think of the most popular person you know, then ask yourself why he or she is so popular. Chances are your answer was something to the effect of "he just seems so sure of himself/herself". Okay, but why? Let's go out to the bar to find out!

Look at Joe Hollywood over there having people flocking to him. How do they know he's confident? Just look at him standing there, his thumb hooked into a belt loop on his jeans. When someone comes up he looks them in the eye and gives them a firm, hearty handshake. He has that low, smooth voice that is warm yet firm at the same time. When he tells someone something, he tells them once, and only once. All these things that I just pointed out, Joe has no idea that he is doing them. He's just confident, and knows what he wants, therefore his body acts out his feelings accordingly.

How about Freddy Quick over by the pool tables, leaning up against the wall? He's up to no good, probably a pool hustler. What? How do I know? Well lets look at him. Leaning on the wall, arms folded over each other in front of his chest. He isn't looking anywhere or at anyone, that floor he's staring at must be very fascinating. Oh, wait, he just shot a sideways glance at the new guy walking up to the table. Now watch when pretty boy there asks him for a game. Just like I thought, a very quiet hello without making eye contact. I almost feel bad for whats going to happen next, Freddy's gonna take his money like candy from a baby. I knew he looked suspicious.

See that girl over there, name's Michelle. She's gotta be pretty boys girlfriend cause, well, just look at the way shes biting her nails and working on her cuticles, she knows about Freddy. She can just see him about to take her guys money, unfortunately pretty boy wont listen to anyone.Ha, its kind of interesting to see her sitting like a stone statue. Really, as much as shes petrified at the thought of whats about to happen, she'll also be the first one to jump all over him in anger for being such a blind idiot. And there goes the game. Oh yeah, shes getting pissed off, on the edge of her seat, running her fingers through her hair. If pretty boy was smart he'd just run now. Too late, shes already up with her hands on her hips, foot tapping the floor.

Without hearing a word, we can read the conversations.

S.T.

Hey all you people

Hey readers,
No, I didn't drop off the face of the earth, school has just kicked into high gear, along with work, and I seem to have neglected this blog, and in turn, all of you.
I have been working on some themes and posts, so ill try to update in the next day or so with Attraction: Part Three. In the mean time, I leave you with the quote from "Scrubs" a comedy about a group of doctors/residents/interns at Sacred Heart Hospital. This one is from the resident master of sarcasm,Dr. Cox, in one of his rare true moments.

Relationships don’t work the way they do on television and in the movies.
Will they, won’t they, and then they finally do and they’re happy forever, gimme a break.
9 out of 10 of ‘em end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced anyway, and I’m tellin’ you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven’t.
Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, y’know, in some cultures a chicken…
you can call me a sucker, I don’t care. ‘Cause I do.
Believe in it.
Bottom line, couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is, they don’t let it take them down.
One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time,

if it’s right and they’re real lucky, One of ‘em will say something.

Attraction: The Middle...Maybe.

Last time I wrote, I gave you some homework. A very simple thing, the next time you went to talk to a girl I wanted you to ask yourself why you want to talk to her. Did you stop and think? Let me guess, you weren’t quite sure why you wanted to talk to her, but you just knew you did. That’s quite normal as attraction is based on observation. I’m not saying that pure physical shape has nothing to do with it, it does make up a part of this but this won’t be my focus of this discussion, perhaps at a later date. Did you happen to note clothing, hairstyle, etc? Now that’s what I’m talking about, not the physical itself but the cues taken from the physical.

Every guy has a certain “type” of girl they go for. That’s not sexist, stereotypical or anything else. It’s just the truth. We develop this type over the length of our lives. Generally, by the time we get out of high school we have a decent idea of what we’re looking for. We have a certain set of personality traits that we find appeasing. Some people want that shy, quiet girl who’s got the book smarts and enjoys nights in. Others want the wild party girl, who’s always the life of the party and wants to be out on the town when at all possible. Some go for the “princess” while some prefer the “tomboy”. It doesn’t really matter what your “type” is, subtle clues are given off by everyone you approach.

So let’s talk clothes. I know, a guy talking about clothes? Trust me though, this is important. When you look at a girl, what is something they all have? No, not purses, clothes…and if she doesn’t, then let me be the first to say congratulations on getting those mind powers to finally work. In all seriousness, clothes say a lot about the girl you’re eyeing. Her style of dress usually gives you a general “type” of girl. (It’s important for me to note that yes, some don’t “dress the part” but as a general rule, this works well.) If you see she’s conservatively dressed then you may steer away from her if you’re looking for a wild child. If she leaves little to the imagination via clothing, then you may stay away if you’re looking for a shy, quiet, homemaker type girl. Those type of clues let us do a quick sort of who we want to spend our time with. So now that we have this shorter list, there’s only one thing to do.

Go talk to them!

S.T.

Attraction: The Beginning

At first this was going to be "Love vs Lust" until i realized neither of these emotions were true for the situation. You see, classes started a few weeks ago, and there is a girl who is in all of them with me. Call it chance, call it fate, call it destiny, call it whatever. Point is, I saw her and immediately decided I needed to get to know her better. I approached, talked and we now talk pretty much every day. But I was sitting here one night wondering why i first went to her. My initial reaction was lust. I mean there's that saying "Lust, not Love, at first sight". Then it hit me, it wasn't lust, i wanted to get to know her, she seemed like an interesting individual. So if not lust then love right? No, not love, because I didn't want to marry her, I hardly knew her. So then what was it...It was "like".

Now before I start getting complaints that "like" doesn't exist, let me elaborate. First off, you can love someone just as well as you can LIKE someone. Some people use like and love interchangeably here, but I don't think that's right. What are you really saying when you say "I like you"? You're telling the person that for some reason or another you like them, that you are ATTRACTED to them. True attraction isn't based solely on the physical, but on what the physical means to you. Next time you look at a girl, and think of talking to them, assess yourself quickly and explore WHY you want to talk to them

And let me know what you find out!

S.T.

Pandora's Honesty Box

The Honesty Box. I'm sure everyone has ran into these. Popularized on facebook, it's just like it sounds, it is a box that you can type a comment to the owner without your name being logged. Therefore, you can say what you want/feel without having repercussions come to you. Wait. Stop. Honesty: fairness and straightforwardness of conduct. That definition is ripped straight out of M-WOD. Now...if honesty is straightforwardness...then why are we being anonymous? Isn't that the opposite of being straightforward? Yes, we are telling the person what we think, we tell them something that may help them, but we aren't being straightforward. We're hiding behind this cloud of anonymity.

Now, before you stop reading and thinking that I'm saying you should say everything honestly and to their face, let me stress that this IS NOT what I'm about. Because as American humorist Don Marquis once quipped, "Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control." Let's face it, somethings are just plain left unsaid! If your typing 'noone likes you and you're selfish and arrogant' into the honesty box, stop and think. How is that in any way, shape, or form helping the person who will be receiving it? It won't. Plain and simple. You are not actually being honest, you are being scathing to that person. Maybe it is true, the whole nine yards, but is it going to actually accomplish anything? No. That person is going to look in that box, and do one of a few things. If they are as arrogant as they seem, they will laugh it off. If they still have a soul, then maybe they will become disheartened for a moment, but then go back to their ways. The third, and most likely option is they will get suspicious and start hating who they THINK wrote it. May not be who wrote it, but they will get the blame anyways. As far as I can see, nothing positive has came out of this scenario and this type "honesty" is just plain detrimental to the social structure. If you really do have this horrible issue with a person, it should be said in person, and worked out. The "Honesty Box" should be the last thing used.

So, is honesty really always the best policy?

S.T.