Friends Shift With the Sands of Time

"Someone That You Trust Is Just, Another Way To Die"
~Another Way To Die by Jack White and Alicia Keys

People have said that music is life and I believe it. Music not only can tell a story, but it can also teach you about this world we call ours. Our lives are made of relationships. Be they work, love, or friendship, we intertwine and connect with various people to create a delicate web. Friendships are the most delicate. People start as strangers, become acquaintances, then best friends. Sometimes life doesn't work like that, sometimes our friendships fail. It can be due to something one party said, or perhaps what they did. Either way, someone will get hurt. Maybe its an unintentional attack on their feelings or their pride. Most friendships get over this, and although they may never be to the way things once were, they will still be friends to a capacity. Oh, but then...then there are the special cases of trusting a friend, only to have them come out of their shell when something goes amiss. They turn so fast, and so hard on you, that before you know it they are now your sworn enemy. Perhaps the shift is more subtle and you just drift apart. They still seem harmless tho right? But sometimes you don't know why, and then sometimes you find out that they really were not who they were in the first place, and apparently you were backing the wrong pony the whole time.

Will you stand and right the wrong?

S.T.

Talking isnt Speaking

First off, those of you who are wondering where "Attraction: The End" comes in, well...this is it. sort of. At the end of the last real entry, I said to go talk to her. Now really after that then your on your own. I did think that it was important to explain what "talking" encompassed. I didn't want to talk specifically regarding attraction, because honestly, there's books for that kind of thing. [Magic Bullets by Mystery, but you didn't hear that from me] I wanted to branch out and try to give a brief understanding of talking.

A recent study shows that while we are "talking", 55% of communication is through our body language, 38% in voice tone/inflections, and only 7% is from the actual words we are speaking.
Seven percent of talking is what we are actually saying. In comparison, Fifty-five percent is through body language. This is everything from your stance, to how you shake someones hand. Think of the most popular person you know, then ask yourself why he or she is so popular. Chances are your answer was something to the effect of "he just seems so sure of himself/herself". Okay, but why? Let's go out to the bar to find out!

Look at Joe Hollywood over there having people flocking to him. How do they know he's confident? Just look at him standing there, his thumb hooked into a belt loop on his jeans. When someone comes up he looks them in the eye and gives them a firm, hearty handshake. He has that low, smooth voice that is warm yet firm at the same time. When he tells someone something, he tells them once, and only once. All these things that I just pointed out, Joe has no idea that he is doing them. He's just confident, and knows what he wants, therefore his body acts out his feelings accordingly.

How about Freddy Quick over by the pool tables, leaning up against the wall? He's up to no good, probably a pool hustler. What? How do I know? Well lets look at him. Leaning on the wall, arms folded over each other in front of his chest. He isn't looking anywhere or at anyone, that floor he's staring at must be very fascinating. Oh, wait, he just shot a sideways glance at the new guy walking up to the table. Now watch when pretty boy there asks him for a game. Just like I thought, a very quiet hello without making eye contact. I almost feel bad for whats going to happen next, Freddy's gonna take his money like candy from a baby. I knew he looked suspicious.

See that girl over there, name's Michelle. She's gotta be pretty boys girlfriend cause, well, just look at the way shes biting her nails and working on her cuticles, she knows about Freddy. She can just see him about to take her guys money, unfortunately pretty boy wont listen to anyone.Ha, its kind of interesting to see her sitting like a stone statue. Really, as much as shes petrified at the thought of whats about to happen, she'll also be the first one to jump all over him in anger for being such a blind idiot. And there goes the game. Oh yeah, shes getting pissed off, on the edge of her seat, running her fingers through her hair. If pretty boy was smart he'd just run now. Too late, shes already up with her hands on her hips, foot tapping the floor.

Without hearing a word, we can read the conversations.

S.T.

Attraction: The Middle...Maybe.

Last time I wrote, I gave you some homework. A very simple thing, the next time you went to talk to a girl I wanted you to ask yourself why you want to talk to her. Did you stop and think? Let me guess, you weren’t quite sure why you wanted to talk to her, but you just knew you did. That’s quite normal as attraction is based on observation. I’m not saying that pure physical shape has nothing to do with it, it does make up a part of this but this won’t be my focus of this discussion, perhaps at a later date. Did you happen to note clothing, hairstyle, etc? Now that’s what I’m talking about, not the physical itself but the cues taken from the physical.

Every guy has a certain “type” of girl they go for. That’s not sexist, stereotypical or anything else. It’s just the truth. We develop this type over the length of our lives. Generally, by the time we get out of high school we have a decent idea of what we’re looking for. We have a certain set of personality traits that we find appeasing. Some people want that shy, quiet girl who’s got the book smarts and enjoys nights in. Others want the wild party girl, who’s always the life of the party and wants to be out on the town when at all possible. Some go for the “princess” while some prefer the “tomboy”. It doesn’t really matter what your “type” is, subtle clues are given off by everyone you approach.

So let’s talk clothes. I know, a guy talking about clothes? Trust me though, this is important. When you look at a girl, what is something they all have? No, not purses, clothes…and if she doesn’t, then let me be the first to say congratulations on getting those mind powers to finally work. In all seriousness, clothes say a lot about the girl you’re eyeing. Her style of dress usually gives you a general “type” of girl. (It’s important for me to note that yes, some don’t “dress the part” but as a general rule, this works well.) If you see she’s conservatively dressed then you may steer away from her if you’re looking for a wild child. If she leaves little to the imagination via clothing, then you may stay away if you’re looking for a shy, quiet, homemaker type girl. Those type of clues let us do a quick sort of who we want to spend our time with. So now that we have this shorter list, there’s only one thing to do.

Go talk to them!

S.T.

Attraction: The Beginning

At first this was going to be "Love vs Lust" until i realized neither of these emotions were true for the situation. You see, classes started a few weeks ago, and there is a girl who is in all of them with me. Call it chance, call it fate, call it destiny, call it whatever. Point is, I saw her and immediately decided I needed to get to know her better. I approached, talked and we now talk pretty much every day. But I was sitting here one night wondering why i first went to her. My initial reaction was lust. I mean there's that saying "Lust, not Love, at first sight". Then it hit me, it wasn't lust, i wanted to get to know her, she seemed like an interesting individual. So if not lust then love right? No, not love, because I didn't want to marry her, I hardly knew her. So then what was it...It was "like".

Now before I start getting complaints that "like" doesn't exist, let me elaborate. First off, you can love someone just as well as you can LIKE someone. Some people use like and love interchangeably here, but I don't think that's right. What are you really saying when you say "I like you"? You're telling the person that for some reason or another you like them, that you are ATTRACTED to them. True attraction isn't based solely on the physical, but on what the physical means to you. Next time you look at a girl, and think of talking to them, assess yourself quickly and explore WHY you want to talk to them

And let me know what you find out!

S.T.

Pandora's Honesty Box

The Honesty Box. I'm sure everyone has ran into these. Popularized on facebook, it's just like it sounds, it is a box that you can type a comment to the owner without your name being logged. Therefore, you can say what you want/feel without having repercussions come to you. Wait. Stop. Honesty: fairness and straightforwardness of conduct. That definition is ripped straight out of M-WOD. Now...if honesty is straightforwardness...then why are we being anonymous? Isn't that the opposite of being straightforward? Yes, we are telling the person what we think, we tell them something that may help them, but we aren't being straightforward. We're hiding behind this cloud of anonymity.

Now, before you stop reading and thinking that I'm saying you should say everything honestly and to their face, let me stress that this IS NOT what I'm about. Because as American humorist Don Marquis once quipped, "Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control." Let's face it, somethings are just plain left unsaid! If your typing 'noone likes you and you're selfish and arrogant' into the honesty box, stop and think. How is that in any way, shape, or form helping the person who will be receiving it? It won't. Plain and simple. You are not actually being honest, you are being scathing to that person. Maybe it is true, the whole nine yards, but is it going to actually accomplish anything? No. That person is going to look in that box, and do one of a few things. If they are as arrogant as they seem, they will laugh it off. If they still have a soul, then maybe they will become disheartened for a moment, but then go back to their ways. The third, and most likely option is they will get suspicious and start hating who they THINK wrote it. May not be who wrote it, but they will get the blame anyways. As far as I can see, nothing positive has came out of this scenario and this type "honesty" is just plain detrimental to the social structure. If you really do have this horrible issue with a person, it should be said in person, and worked out. The "Honesty Box" should be the last thing used.

So, is honesty really always the best policy?

S.T.

Being Civil? Yeah...I don't think so

"Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none."
~Benjamin Franklin

Be civil to all...Now there's a concept. But what is "being civil"? Many people seem to use the phrase "common courtesy" interchangeably with "being civil". In reality, I believe that these are two very different ideas. Common Courtesy. This consists of a set of rules or guidelines on what to do in just basic respect between human beings. Acknowledging when someone walks into the room, Holding a door open for someone right behind you, keeping your voices down and talking to a minimum during a movie. These are all filed under "common courtesy". But being civil? I think that's another topic.

Maybe it's the slow perversion of our language over the sands of time, or perhaps it's just the rising amount of hatred running through our collective veins. Whatever the reason, "being civil" is hardly a good thing to be. According to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, "civil often suggests little more than the avoidance of overt rudeness." Upon reading this, I'm sure many of you are starting to see where I'm going with this. "overt rudeness"...which means to not be openly rude. So, more then likely there are bad feelings toward the person in which one is "being civil" to. If there is a problem with them, should you not have the common courtesy...no should they not have a right to know what the problem is? It could just be a misunderstanding, or a drop in the lines of communication. Instead, society has created this "being civil" to allow people a way to avoid confrontation like this.

People may not want the confrontation for various reasons. Perhaps, it's the friend of your significant other. Maybe it's your boss. For whatever reason, living a lie is easier then confrontation. That's what "being civil" really is, lying. While some people may be civil to someone powerful, in hopes of being thrown a bone, Others may just stand civil as to not create turmoil among a group of friends. While the latter motive may seem perfectly reasonable to most, if a problem is covered up, its still a problem. Therefore, it would be a smart idea to confront the issue head on and resolve it. Or at least come to an understanding. I'm sorry Ben, but in this day, your civil is anything but "civil".

S.T.